Stop Playing To Be Liked: Alan Lazaros on Building a Life You Respect

Guest: Alan Lazaros, Co-founder of Next Level University
Show: Interchain Me – Life Tips
Listen to the Podcast

On paper, Alan won early: WPI engineering degree, MBA, 1 percent earner in his 20s, college debt wiped out in a year, six figures invested, big-name tech clients, rising titles. Then a head-on car crash at 26. His father died in a car at 28. Alan did not. That second chance flipped a switch: from proving himself to others to building a life he could respect.

Ten years later, he has 10,000 plus hours across coaching, training, and podcasting, 2,090 episodes of Next Level University, listeners in 175 countries, and a team of 18. He is blunt about the cost: fewer people like him. More people respect him. He sleeps better.

Why this matters now

Three blunt truths from the conversation:

1. Success without self-respect is hollow: being liked by everyone while disliking yourself is a bad trade.

2. Most people live on autopilot: trauma, expectations, and convenience lock in habits until a shock forces change. You can manufacture that wake-up call without a crash.

3. Potential is multi-dimensional: Alan defines it as being healthier, wealthier, and more in love. Top one percent in all three is statistically one in a million. Aim anyway.

What Next Level University builds

Alan’s operating system is simple and ruthless: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual development, measured daily.

• Identity shift: stop optimizing for being liked and start optimizing for being respected, starting with self-respect.

• Existential ownership: get off autopilot. Choose your standards, your circle, your inputs, your outputs.

• Metrics beat vibes: workouts, sleep, reading, deep work, relationships. He tracks everything. He has not missed a workout in 1,100 plus days.

• Coaching with proof: 18-person team, 2,090 episodes shipped, clients worldwide, clear protocols for habits, goals, and feedback.

• Community containers: challenges like “10 pounds in 10 weeks” make change social, visible, and accountable.

Not another “hustle plan”: why most self-improvement fails

• Chasing approval: optimizing for likability creates a chameleon. You lose yourself while collecting compliments.

• Keeping the wrong circle: dragging old friends up the mountain breeds resentment. Upgrade the room or stay stuck.

• No measurement: if you do not track it, you will rationalize it. Period.

• Vague goals: “be better” is useless. “Four strength sessions each week, 90 days” works.

• Identity conflict: you cannot become someone new while clinging to who your past expects you to be.

AI is the co-pilot, not the driver

Use tools, do not outsource responsibility.

• Habit trackers, wearables, transcripts, and coaching platforms are great for data and feedback.

• Let tech handle the counting so your willpower handles the doing.

• Keep a human in the loop for judgment, values, and courage. No app will break up with your toxic habit for you.

Tradeoffs and reality

Raising your standards will repel some people and magnetize others. Alan learned this the hard way. In his party years, everyone liked him and he did not like himself. Now, fewer people like him and he likes himself a lot more. Net positive.

Expect a smaller circle and a larger influence. Respect beats approval. Contribution beats applause.

Who this is for right now

• High achievers on autopilot who secretly feel empty

• Founders and execs who win at work and lose at health or home

• Midlife pivoters who need a clean restart without burning it all down

• Engineers and rationalists who want a numbers-first path to inner work

My take

Alan’s edge is not motivational quotes. It is math plus moral courage. He does not sell hacks. He sells standards, tracked with numbers, enforced with community. If you want change that sticks, this is how: identity, metrics, and accountability, in that order.

Pull quotes

“When I was the most liked by others, I did not like myself.”

“Everyone wants to be healthy, wealthy, and in love. Top one percent in all three is one in a million. Aim anyway.”

“Stop optimizing for being liked. Optimize for being respected, starting with yourself.”

How to participate

• Run a 30-day private pilot: define one health habit, one wealth habit, one love habit. Track daily. No excuses, just data.

• Social audit: list your five closest relationships. Mark each as magnet or anchor. Adjust time accordingly.

• Identity contract: write who you are becoming across physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Read it each morning.

• Metrics stack: pick three numbers that matter and report them weekly to a coach or peer group.

• Get help: if you want structure and accountability, reach out to Alan at Next Level University.

Credits

Recorded for Interchain Me. Host: Roberto Capodieci. Guest: Alan Lazaros, Next Level University.